You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
