The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize