how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
