he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
