So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
