Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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