I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
