The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
