Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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