why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize