sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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