I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
