Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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