I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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