if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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