Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
are you so shy because you have an std?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
