I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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