you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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