morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize