I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
