Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
