my being single is dangerous.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
