I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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