Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You smell like stripper and shame
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
