it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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