Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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