Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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