how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's just like the Real World with babies
my shit smells like andre
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
