I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
God I need to hump something, right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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