I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
God, I missed his penis.
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