Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
