so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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