in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
