she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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