My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize