I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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