Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
