i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
