we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
