What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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