You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
