What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
it's great music for shaving your balls
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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