Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
not ubering you a puppy
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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