Ambien. No doubt about it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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