I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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