woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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