Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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