Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
