Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
