just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
