I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
