god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize