He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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