so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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