hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
