I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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