He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize