i think my mom watched the whole time
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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