So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
