fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
