If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you would pick up someone in the library
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
