She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
