girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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