i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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