Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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