Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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